Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
