i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
