Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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