I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
