Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
