This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
