FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
