we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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