It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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