Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
