well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
