i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
