I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
