Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
