she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
