She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I wear drunk well.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
