You just made me feel so damn special
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
