found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
