My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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