I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
