Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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