1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
