What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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