Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
