You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
