moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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