If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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