i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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