what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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