the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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