I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
