i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
