I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
