if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
