He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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