she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
