she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
