Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
