We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i already hear my dad disowning me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
