it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
