Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
