I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
