Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
