im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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