didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
