It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
