You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i think my cat just said my name.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
