Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
