I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
