My friends, they love my intelligence
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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