so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
