I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
