Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
