We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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