so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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