puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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