So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
