I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
