After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
