i dedicated my morning wood to you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
