wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want a musical about memes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize