I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
