Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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