he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
