Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
