I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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