I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
