i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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