i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
