nut hugger
Nicole vs. Life
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can you bring me the toilet please
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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