As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
