you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
