Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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