Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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