You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
