Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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