I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
