drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
