if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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