Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Randomize
