The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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