So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i now understand why vodka
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
