he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
