just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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