I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize