i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
