I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
