Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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