Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She needs sedatives and a leash
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