Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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