Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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